A writer at the Daily News Star in Tucson – one of the cities in the hunt for Tesla’s $5 billion lithium-ion Gigafactory – got creative with the green car automaker, writing it a series of funny letters love letters name-checking everything from Tucson native Linda Rondstat to Sentinel Peak.
The letters start out friendly, but get a little weird and obsessive, but not as weird as Tucson’s neighbor to the north, Phoenix, the writer David Fitzsimmons jokes.
In the initial exchange, Tucson tells Tesla that it would love to “get to know you.”
“There’s a cool vibe here, with a touch of weird,” he says, prompting “Tesla” to write back and remind him that Consumer Reports rated Tesla the “best car ever.”
A few more exchanges occur and it seems Tesla is telling Tucson that “I’m just not that into you,” prompting Tucson to share its Match.com profile.
“I’m a big town with a small city heart. Other cities tells me I have a warm, sunny personality and a good sense of humor. I’m what they call a ‘mover.’ I’ve got the Union Pacific rail line and the major interstates to prove it. Baby, I got what you need.”
But like Shania Twain, Tesla isn’t impressed too much, perhaps an ode to the fact that Texas, Nevada, New Mexico and Tucson’s crazy relative, Phoenix, are likely more favored for the 10 million square foot factory that will employ 6,5000 people.
That’s when Tuscon gets a little desperado (Well hello, Linda Ronstadt!) and starts naming off everything from Mission San Xavier del Bac (“A great backdrop for a Tesla photo shoot”) to the University of Arizona (“Ask about their flux capacitor and time travel research and development”). Then Tuscon boldly asks when it can meet “daddy” Elon Musk: “I just love his hyperloop idea. Let’s build one from Tucson to Phoenix to the Grand Canyon! Dibs on the front seat!”
But Tesla, or “Tessie” as Tuscon calls it, stops responding, bringing out the cray cray in Tucson.
“There’s been a lot of wacky stuff on the news about Arizona lately that’s not too flattering, and let me say that’s not my Arizona, Tess. That’s my nutty relation up north. Every family has a crazy uncle in their attic right? That’s Phoenix. That’s not me. I may be weird, and a little gritty, but I’m not crazy.”
But when “Tess” refuses to respond, Tucson pulls out the big guns, offering to replace the A on A Mountain with a T: “We’ll tell people its ‘T’ for Tucson,’ but you and I will know that its ‘T’ for Tesla.”
Annoyed with Tucson’s desperate antics, all Tesla can say in return is “stop calling me ‘Tess.’”
You can almost hear the phone disconnect just like when guys break up with crazy girls.
But like Miley Cyrus, Tucson just can’t stop and ups the ante.
“I’m getting a really good vibe here. Like we’re hitting it off. It’s pretty clear we have the same interests,” Tucson writes offering to show Tesla its “Born to Innovate” tramp stamp.
Now Tesla tells Tucson to back off: “You’re freaking me out.”
But Tucson’s still not done, pulling out the “I hear you’ve been seeing other people (cities) card and demanding to be exclusive.
“I was ready to give you everything, open up my home to you and now I learn you’re seeing other cities. I may not be rich and famous, but I’ve got heart. And I like you, Tess. I really like you. My therapist said the trick is not to project too much. Do I sound desperate?”
Well yes Tucson, perhaps you do and that’s where the letters end. Only time will tell if Tuscon and Tesla spark a love connection, but one thing we know is that like the Beastie Boys, Tucson knows it’s gotta fight for its right to party with Musk and company!
Source: AZStarNet.com
